oh diaryland, I do have an odd relationship with you. over three years now of this, it doesn't seem real. and seriously, it is so bizarre how I've chosen to document myself in this way. most of the time I don't' think about it, but when I do, it weirds me out.

also, I was flipping back through some of my older entries. and I always tend to think that I used to be dumb, but there's a lot of smartness back there. maybe I should aspire to that again, seeing that I've been not so smart about certain things lately.

have I told you that somewhere my half-cocked brain produced the idea that my warts are a physical manifestation of my emotional problems?

my thought process is whack.

it's just that. . I'm all torn up, because I'm hurting peoples feelings I think, and its breaking my heart. which is backwards. and I feel like the only person on earth that experiences this phenomenon of extreme emotional despair over the feelings of others.

I need to keep cleaning.

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